I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
