I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
