woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
