You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize