Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
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