u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
