explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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