when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
