Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
