I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
