Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
