i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
