First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
