I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
