Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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