He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
