hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
