I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
