I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
