ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
