fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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