And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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