Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
