Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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