After last night, I could never be a politician.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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