i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
