Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
