I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
