she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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