i was born a porn star she said
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
