i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
