ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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