just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
