Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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