Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
