Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
