Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
