Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I deserve this hangover.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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