do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
