That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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