I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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