I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize