I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
