How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
