dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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