his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
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Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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