everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
