my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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