somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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