Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
