I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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