what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
