He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
