was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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