I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
