It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
