I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
