Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
