Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
