So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
