you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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