I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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