So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
