I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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