I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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