So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
