Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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