I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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