This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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