closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
