Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
