When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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