I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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