Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
