just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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