The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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