K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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