Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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