summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
