did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
