Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
