i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
