got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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