i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
