In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
