I just pynch a tree in the face
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
