So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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