first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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